“Someone once told me that the power in all relationships lies with whoever cares less.”
The Principle of Least Interest says: the person with the LEAST INTEREST has the MOST POWER. That is, the partner who cares the most about maintaining a relationship becomes vulnerable to any breakup threats made by the other less-interested partner. As a result, the partner with the most interest may take precautions to avoid appearing more interested in the relationship than they actually are.
“Let the games begin.”
When one partner is minimally interested in the other partner, the partner with the most interest may try many strategies to keep the unbalanced relationship intact. However, this most interested partner may come to realize that his or her efforts are in going nowhere. They may come to believe that they have had enough of trying to establish a relationship to their liking or satisfaction. Thus, they may call off whatever semblance of a relationship they have managed to establish. By walking away, the hurt or dissatisfied partner suddenly creates instant “distance” between the two partners. In cases such as this, the formerly more-interested partner may suddenly become more attractive to the partner who, just moments before, was the one who had the least interest and thus, the most power. In cases such as these, we say that “the tables were turned.”
After a breakup, as each of the partners starts to move on, this instant “distance” creates havoc for the many who don’t realize that by creating instant distance, they are potentially re-creating the value and attraction. As a result, there may be a sudden and renewed interest in maintaining the relationship. These types are surprised that all-of-a-sudden, their love interest seems to have a change of heart.
But what happens if the couple gets back together; hanging on to that last thread of hope? By closing the distance, in order to relieve their feelings of insecurity and pain, the two only begin the cycle anew. They will appreciate the reunion, the “distance” was a wake up call. But in no time however, the closed distance will again make the couple take each other for granted. Rinse and repeat. Oh the joys of the love dance!
The dynamics involved with the Principle of Least Interest are such that they may be compared to the scales of justice. If one partner is putting forth effort, by default, the other partner may not be inclined to put forth an equal measure of effort (they may sense that they have the most power). Oftentimes the less-interested partner may have a sense of power, and may want to see how far he/she can push it. In other words, this partner may try to see whether or not they can “get away” with things.
Whenever you are interested in someone, they often tend to overlook your potential as a partner. And, whenever you’re not particularly interested in someone, then you tend to overlook their potential as a partner. How, then, can a person pursue anyone if capturing them means that they no longer care to have them? Okay, perhaps it’s not all that simple.
Attempting to manipulate this force to your advantage may prove to be tricky and devilishly frustrating. It seems that if you want something, it is often elusive. However, that may be why you want it in the first place! Yet if you stop wanting it, then the lack of desire on your part may somehow render it “available.” So how is it possible to ever pursue anyone without wanting them in the first place? I’m not sure I can provide you with any set answer to coping with this elusive phenomenon. Here I’m merely bringing it to the your attention.
My advice to anyone coping with the effects of this seemingly nonsensical phenomenon is to try not to fight or to try to control these seemingly contradictory forces. They can occur when establishing a relationship, while maintaining a relationship, and after a relationship breaks up. I don’t think anyone can actually control them. Just be aware of their existence and how they may affect your own relationship. It may make it less frustrating.
When establishing a relationship, the object of your desire is often aloof and seemingly unattainable. Most of us want what we can’t have.
While maintaining a relationship, the fact that you work hard on a marriage or other type of committed relationship, may allow your partner to contribute considerably less effort than you do. How can a couple maintain a balance in a relationship that still requires each of them to put forth maximum effort to keep the relationships alive and thus still appreciated?
After a breakup, the conventional approach you may use to try and forget your ex may be the very reason you cannot get them out of your mind. You want to forget them, but the memory of them refuses to go away. So you end up chasing your tail; obsessing. Constantly saying, “I don’t miss her,” only keeps reminding you of her!
Let me remind you again, this seemingly backwards phenomenon may prove difficult to manipulate to your favor. The only thing I can say at this point is to become aware of its existence. At least you will be able to recognize it, and thus not feel so frustrated by its seemingly odd nature.
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onlinerelationshiphandbook.com
pete padilla