Maintaining A Relationship.

By definition you can’t “want” something you “have.”

Keeping a relationship together requires a fundamentally different skill set than does establishing one. By definition you can’t “want” something you “have.” And thus, during this stage, the focus for the couple shifts from establishing the relationship to maintaining it. Keeping it together takes the place of getting it together. This section focuses on the issues associated with maintaining a relationship.

After nearly three decades of studying relationships, and talking with thousands of people about theirs, these six aspects of relationships were mentioned most frequently. Over-and-over I heard about these concerns:

[1] ACTING POSSESSIVE

[2] STICKING UP FOR YOUR SELF

[3] JEALOUSY

[4] HONESTY 

[5] PARTNER IDENTITY ECLIPSE

[6] STIMULATION.

 

According to Drs. Jim and Judy Sellner, a long-term relationship may progress through six stages. Most relationships, unfortunately, won’t make it to the pinnacled 6th-stage, and terminate during an earlier stage. However, a thorough understanding of the six of the possible stages is necessary to get a full grasp on how relationships develop and progress. Thus, we will discuss each stage individually in the order that they are likely to occur.

 [1] Romance (initial excitement, ignore family & friends)

  [2] Early Commitment (off the market, shared space)   [3] Power Struggle (real selves emerge)[4] Resolution & Acceptance (resolve conflict or accept differences, but move forward)[5] Ethical Love (ask not what the relationship can do for you; ask what YOU can do…)

[6] Mature Romanticism (older couple becomes the role model for younger couples).

I hope this section has proven both insightful as well as useful. The purpose was to illustrate some of the main issues associated with MAINTAINING a relationship. Of course, this is a mere sampling of the many issues that a real-life couple will inevitably face. Plus, marriage issues are like a Whack-a Mole, just as the couple solves one problem, another one immediately pops up.  After learning about some of the issues and concerns couples face when maintaining a relationship, can you offer some insight of your own?

 

         

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