“Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn!”
– Rhett Butler
This last phase of a breakup can be viewed as the homestretch: it’s now only a matter of some time and this thing is over; done with. The breakup is a foregone conclusion with which you are now comfortable. You are feeling liberated and empowered; at times even spunky. A tipping point has been reached, which means reconciliation isn’t any longer an option. Your life has now become future-oriented. You just need to let the remaining, lingering memories die. You have pretty much moved on emotionally, and feel better about yourself for surviving the breakup. Now, if your ex does show up, it no longer matters. Who cares? Not you. You’ve moved on.
People may have slightly different transitional boundaries: but generally by this time, in the process, your life has become mostly future-oriented. Although you are not quite home-free, you are close and you know it! You’ve established a new routine minus your ex and are adapting to it. The newness of life is starting to stand out as opposed to the pain and heartache of your former relationship. A transformation from dark to light is occurring.
Compared to the past, when you were just beginning too hurt and had only an uphill climb, the rest of your journey is on the downward slope. Past memories are no longer as painful and are now regularly couched in the past, past tense.
This phase of the breakup can actually feel good. You no longer care much (if any) about your ex, and new memories are now being produced on a daily basis. Now it’s only a matter of time until the OLD memories die. As the OLD memories begin to fade, they are not replaced. Shortly after that, NEW memories will overtake old memories. This is where you are at in this process. You are producing new memories that are by default, replacing old memories.
As long as there is any “spin” left in the relationship, one of the partners may make an attempt to communicate with the other. So, in order to feel like the relationship has completely run its course, all of the drama has to be completely drained from it. During this time, your ex may reappear out-of-nowhere. But now you don’t care. You’ve got this. Play if you want, but you probably don’t even want to waste your time doing that.
During this last phase, you are probably no longer on the constant lookout for your ex. You may be concerned that you may still run into them, but you’re not obsessing over it. You probably haven’t thought about it in awhile, but now it doesn’t really matter. Should you even run into them, it really doesn’t matter, you really don’t care. So you do; so you don’t. Either way you’re okay.
Items that come to be associated with this “closure” phase will have a more upbeat tone than the items in phases one and two. Your mood and attitude during this phase has more spunk and less obsessive disappointment than the preceding phases. You know you have this breakup beat. Now it’s only a matter of time. Your confidence is on its way back as you begin looking to the future. The items that stick out form this phase will remind you of your struggle and eventual victory. These items may give you inspiration and power during any future breakup.
Congratulations on making it this far in your relationship! It’s no doubt been a struggle. This phase was geared towards getting closure after a breakup. This phase differs from phases one and two because those phases were “sad” phases. This phase is an upbeat phase. Things are startin to look up kid.
By the time you reached this phase, most of the pain involved with this breakup should be mostly behind you. Even getting to this place in the breakup should inspire you and provide you with a blast of new self-confidence. Closure is virtually guaranteed and you will have learned something about yourself along the way. You should now have some sort of “road map” of all three sub-phases of a breakup, which should give you some insight into how they function.
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