You can’t live simultaneously in both the past and the present. What I mean by this is that denial can only carry you for so long. Eventually reality will catch up to your attempts at denial. Once that happens, you will have to admit to yourself that the relationship is broken. The dilemma you face now is that you now admit your relationship is broken, but do you have the guts to do something about it? One thing is for certain, change is going to happen. It may drag you along kicking and screaming, but reality will eventually win out. From this point on, “doing something about it” is always in the back of your head. Something’s gotta give.
During this wake-up phase, the “reality” you’ve been avoiding is turning real, and in a real hurry. No more rose-colored glasses. It is what it is. Just rip off the band-aid. Again, there will be items that eventually come to remind you of this sad period in your life; when hope gave way to bitter disappointment. And as I mentioned before, the associated memories can be physical objects, people, songs, events; anything really. The key is that these items will become associated with this sad, often surreal phase. Later on, after you have reached closure and have moved on, when you see these items, you will remember and associate them with this wake-up phase of your breakup.
When someone goes “on the rebound” we sometimes act like they are a leper and avoid them like one. Yet everyone must have rebound. The rebound is like the front row at the movies, it’s inevitable. No matter what you do, you will have to suffer through some sort of rebound.
During this phase you will still be on the lookout for your ex. This will be out of habit from previous the phase where your head was on a swivel. Believe it or not, this phase may pose more of a danger because you are not as intense as you were about this in the first stage. As new memories begin to creep in, you will be more likely to be distracted and again, just when you least expect it: BAM!
This whole idea of new memories replacing old memories doesn’t imply that the transition and process is going to be seamless. Old memories can be insidious and appear seemingly out of nowhere only to invade our newly-emerging happy feelings. In other words, bouts of sadness may accompany our emerging happiness. You may experience vacillating feelings from happiness to depression all in a matter of minutes. Its okay, this is normal and you are human. It’s actual par for the course.
Because the break-up involved a loss of sorts, you will tend to get introspective about the whole thing. This reflective thinking is all part of a growing and learning process and will eventually pass. If you experience a bout of introspection and begin to feel bad, it’s likely a just a passing emotion. In cases such as this, you just need to “fake it until you make it.” This faking it shouldn’t last very long and you might be able to successfully pull off the happy act.
Before you get ahead of yourself and do something you may regret later on, let’s look at what might happen if you are feeling empowered and get tempted to go “toy” with your ex. I would recommend against it, but it’s all too common an occurrence for something like the following to unfold. The partner who seems to be successfully getting over their ex may feel like going near them to “toy” with them. After all, they are almost out of the woods, so why not go have a little fun with you new-found confidence? Here’s why? It’s going to backfire on them, and the person will feel like crap for having done it. The person in this story could be anyone really; including you. Try to avoid wasting on energy on useless activities “toying” with your ex. Use this energy to find someone new and exciting.
As your disappointment wanes, it will inevitably turn into indifference. The breakup is a foregone conclusion with which you are not all that comfortable with; but you’ve accepted it. And now that you have struggled through to this point, you are slowly becoming more comfortable and begin to look forward to what lies ahead as opposed to what lies behind you.
In phase one you were in denial. In phase two, you eventually accepted the fact that the relationship was broken and started the process of moving on. Once you have moved to where you have established a new routine minus your ex, and rarely think about getting back with them, they will find a way to contact you! Just kidding, once you have moved to where you have established a new routine minus your ex, and rarely think about getting back with them, you will feel liberated! It’s common for some to even wonder why they ever hooked up with their partner in the first place.
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