How Come You Didn’t Tell Me The Book Was Pink?!?!
Tony and I became friends because of our girlfriends. My friendship with Tony developed even more than the girls’ friendship did. We eventually became good friends. Because of our close friendship, I learned a lot about Tony and his girlfriend. Unbeknownst to most people, Tony and Catherine’s relationship was on the rocks. I just figured their problems were normal like the rest of the relationships “out there.”
One night Tony came to my house late at night worried; obviously bugged about something. Just the fact that he came at such a late hour was telling. My attention and curiosity were surely piqued.
Tony went on to tell me he how he and Catherine had began fighting, and that she wanted them to call it quits. However, if Tony could have it his way, nothing would change. Tony elaborated on the specifics of his and Catherine’s relationship problems. Knowing these details made me realize their relationship was pretty much finished. I could tell from Tony’s body language that he wasn’t really agreeing with Catherine’s decision. I felt for him, but that didn’t necessarily make any difference. Catherine was done. Tony was beside himself and was freaking out. He was a nervous wreck. Although he was obviously in some sort of panic mode, he genuinely worried about the prospects he was facing. At least he was seeking help.
The fact that Tony and I were friends was cause for worry. As his friend, I had conflicting concerns. One, I had to comfort him through his pain. On the other hand, I needed to be truthful with him about what was really happening to his relationship. Like I said, I felt for the guy. Plus, I had to help him; whatever that entailed.
Despite what he may have thought, I didn’t have any quick “cures” for him. One consolation in Tony’s favor was that I study relationships. Because of this, he would at least get some expert advice. I knew that despite my formal training, I did not have any magic trick up my sleeve to “fix” his situation. That is, I didn’t have any magic bullet for him.
But because I wanted to help a friend in need in any way possible, I was extra motivated to give his case special consideration. I had a personal stake in this breakup. I meant nothing against Catherine, but Tony and I were personal friends.
When Tony approached me about his and Catherine’s breakup, I had just finished reading a plethora of books on relationship dissolution, breakups, and divorce. In fact, I had just outlined this chapter you’re reading, by that the time I had read quite a few books and articles on the subject. But one book that stuck out in my head as extraordinarily useful was a book entitled; It’s Called a Breakup Because it’s Broken.
Obviously the book was written for a female audience; hence the pink color-theme. But the information it contained was very useful, very accurate, and very down-to-earth. Above all, it was useful. The book made some valuable suggestions on how to put a breakup into perspective. Once the reader understood what they were actually facing in a breakup, they could then take the necessary steps toward reaching closure.
The book was so useful in a number of other breakup coaching sessions that I went back to Borders to purchase a few “give away” copies for people undergoing a breakup. The book was that useful.
My immediate inclination was to give Tony a copy of the book. I took him to eat at Denny’s where I knew we could eat and, above all, talk. While at the restaurant, I explained to him “the basics” involved with successfully surviving an involuntary breakup.
After we sat down and started talking, I gave him the book. He was so rattled and upset that he didn’t really say much about the book when I handed it to him. He just kept thanking me for listening to his complaining and venting.
After we were finished eating and discussing his unfortunate situation, but before he left, I made him promise to read the book. I knew this was an important task. I tried to stress to Tony how important it was to read that book.
He appeared to be anxious about reading the book. But I knew he would have to wait until he settled down, could sit still, and could actually concentrate on what he was reading (without being distracted by his obsession with Catherine).
To me, it seemed as though Tony was distracted.
Over the next few weeks, Tony would call me a few times a day and vent; it was something I surely encouraged. And once a day, I asked him whether or not he had started reading the book. To me, it seemed as though Tony was distracted. Something was always keeping him from reading the book. I soon realized that he was making hollow promises. I had to step up the pressure. It was so important that he read that darn book.
Because it was now obvious that I was pressuring Tony to read the book, he kept on assuring me that he would start reading it as soon as he could. Luckily, having seen this situation a number of times, I realized he needed to go at his own pace. I wanted him to read the book, and he needed to read the book, but I had to be patient.
I knew what needed to happen, and I stuck to my guns: I continued to ask Tony about the book. At every opportunity that presented itself, I asked him whether or not he had started reading the book. Basically, I needed to know whether or not he had read any part of the book or not. My strategy depended upon that fact. Not as pressure, but mostly out of curiosity. I knew that once he read the book, our conversations would change.
I kept looking for any reasons to mention how important it was to read the book.
Meanwhile, I kept looking for any reasons to mention how important it was to read the book. I had already been exposed to the wisdom the book imparted and could sense that it was the perfect time for him to begin reading that dang book!
A couple of days went by and, as usual, Tony was asking advice, venting, and generally obsessing about Catherine. He was worried that he had an upcoming business trip, and he was wondering how that would affect our communication.
WHAM! I found what I had been waiting for! Tony had been complaining how he had to endure a five hour flight. He was fussing about how we probably would have to sit by someone who needed a bath, or maybe he would have to sit by an annoying, crying baby. I suggested, and suggested strongly, that this flight would be the perfect opportunity to read the book!
Tony’s eyes widened as he realized what I was suggesting. This time, instead, of making excuses, he got all motivated and now couldn’t stop talking about the upcoming flight. Now I could see that he was actually looked forward to the long flight as a chance to finally read the dang book. He went from being worried about his flight being a hassle and being seated between two unpleasant people, and was now talking like he was actually looking forward to the long flight (Tony had already been assigned a middle seat). And if he was going to read the entire flight, it didn’t really matter who was seated next to him.
a very attractive female sitting in the window seat.
The day finally arrived. Tony boarded the plane and made his way toward his seat. As he approached row 20, he could see a very attractive female sitting in the window seat. He thought to himself that perhaps this flight would turn out better than even he had expected. Things were looking up.
As Tony sat down, he could see that the attractive woman was even more beautiful up close! Now he felt lucky. As Tony made himself comfortable, he noticed that the young beauty was more than pleasant, and actually seemed very friendly. Considering what he was going through, this was a welcome surprise!
Tony was settled in his seat when the pretty lady struck up a conversation with him. He was so happy to be talking to the attractive woman, that he forgot about the book under his seat.
“Cool,” Tony thought to him self, “Now I could kill two birds with one stone.” First, he would be able to interact with an attractive, friendly woman. Second, he would be able to impress her by appearing smart; by reading a book.
Tony was very friendly, smiled and immediately began interacting with his new attractive neighbor as the flight got underway. Now was Tony’s chance to further impress this girl. He wanted to actually get the book out and start to read it. Although he wanted to begin reading, he also wanted to continue conversing with his good-looking flight-mate.
Tony reached to retrieve his book from his backpack under the seat in front of him. The book had gotten jostled in his backpack and he could see that the dust jacket cover had gotten bent. This wasn’t any big concern for him, so he pulled out the book and all in one motion he pulled down the tray from the seat in front of him. He put the book down on the tray and just as soon as he did this, the bent dust jacket stood straight up in the air. The book was pink!
Anyone who was near Tony could see it! Heck, in Tony’s mind, an astronaut in outer-space could see it! Tony attempted to fold back down the corner, but no matter how he positioned the book, its pink binding kept on showing.
… its pink binding kept on showing.
Only two minutes ago Tony was trying to draw attention to the book. Now Tony was trying to avoid drawing attention to his pink book. He was thinking, panicking and thought, “What would this woman think if she saw him reading a pink book?”
The Law of Reversed Effort was now in effect. The more Tony wished to avoid drawing attention to is his book, the more attention he seemed to draw. He was visibly flustered, and he suddenly became self-conscious that the woman would notice that he was reading a woman’s pink book on how to survive a breakup.
Tony was so self-conscious that all he could do was act paranoid and trying not to be noticed. Who knows if the attractive woman even noticed the pink book? However, she may as well have been laughing out loud at Tony. After all, that’s how he was feeling; nervous and self-conscious!
For the rest of the flight, Tony wanted to read the book. However, he was just too embarrassed to be seen reading a pink book. Here was his chance to read the book that had so piqued his interest. A book he was actually looking forward to reading.
Tony’s flight turned out to be somewhat of a disappointment. Not only did he not get to read his book, but had conveyed his embarrassment and exasperation to the cute girl seated next to him.
He had let the pink book spoil his excitement. So much so, that he even got an upset stomach. Let’s just say Tony didn’t end up leaving a very good impression.
When Tony returned to Phoenix, I picked him up from the airport. He detailed his ordeal to me and kept on asking, “How come you didn’t tell me the book was pink? How come you didn’t tell me the book was pink?”
How come you didn’t tell me the book was pink dude?
I told him that I never really noticed whether or not the book was any specific color. All I knew was that the book contained some very useful information and was something I knew he should read regardless. The fact that the book was pink bugged Tony so much that for some time after this, whenever he would see me, he would shake his head and ask me,” How come you didn’t tell me the book was pink dude? How come you didn’t tell me the book was pink?” So what: the book was pink; who cares?
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pete padilla