Do you know what makes a successful relationship?

Most people think they do know what makes a successful relationship. But the evidence suggests otherwise. Too many relationships die an early death.

I realize that this question may seem odd to start a discussion about relationships, but first allow me to begin our learning journey by asking you a quick question about driving. If every other time you drove your car you got into an accident -that’s one out of every two trips- would you keep on driving? I would guess you probably would completely stop driving. The risks of driving would surely outweigh its rewards.

However, this is precisely what we do with our relationships. In our society, more than half of all relationships will fail. And despite a plethora of good intentions, some relations will fail spectacularly.

What’s Causing the Statistic?

The reason I say more than half of all relationships will fail is because there is no way to obtain a precise measurement of how many relationships are unsuccessful. The statistic I refer to is actually a measure of only the marriages that do not succeed. So, we don’t know what the exact figure is for relationships that failed before they ever reached the marriage stage. There are no accurate statistics on these non-married relationships.

What’s causing such a dismal state of affairs with our relationships? That’s the exact question I aim to answer in some detail. After helping thousands of people with their “relationship troubles”, my first instinct is to say that most people have no idea what they are doing when it comes to maintaining a healthy relationship. In fact, over the years, many have commented that love is all luck; hence the term, “Get lucky.”

But I strongly contend that love hasn’t much to do with luck. There is a science that governs how relationships operate, and there is a way to measure this scientific approach. So, unless you count how physically attractive you were born, the manner in which relationships unfold hasn’t much to do with luck. Yet, attractiveness is only one factor that affects a relationship. The rest of anyone’s success or failure in a relationship depends on how you treat your partner. That is, it has to do with how you interact with such other.

Another aspect that determines the success or failure of a relationship is one’s skill-level at navigating through a relationship. Think about it like this: a ten-year old is likely to be a novice at what it takes to establish and maintain a successful relationship. Whereas a thirty-year old likely has more experience with romance and matters of the heart. Hopefully as a person grows throughout their life, they “get a clue” about such issues.

Along with experience, a person’s perception of both how a relationship is supposed to emerge and unfold will affect either their relationship success or failure. This perception affects what a person comes to expect in their interactions with their partners. For instance, an attractive person will have a much different expectation of how others are supposed to interact with them as would an ugly person. Each of these types would have different expectations about how others will treat them. In short, one’s perceptual expectations about relationship interactions matter immensely.

But before we move on to the next section, let me repeat what I said above; love is scientific and can be measured and understood as such. Besides being born attractive, the rest is up to you; specifically how you interact with any prospective or established relationship partner.

The Fundamentals

The website examines the basic types of forces that affect relationships. It attempts to answer questions such as: How do relationships emerge and develop? What are the power dynamics that affect relationships? What are some of the social forces that act upon relationships? How do relationships change over time? Do males and females experience relationships differently?

These are only a sample of the types of questions this website will answer. There are no doubt an infinite amount of questions to be asked and answered about relationships. However, the scope of this website allows the reader to gain a useful amount of knowledge about relationships and what makes them function. Thus, hopefully the information contained herein will help make you, the reader, less likely to become part of the 50% of relationships that, despite an honest effort, fail.

This website discusses the core relationship fundamentals that affect every relationship. And thus, after you finish reading this website, you will possess the necessary information about how relationships function, and what makes them work (or not work). It will be up to you, the reader, to use the information in a protracted, scientific, and hopefully, in a successful manner.

THE WARNING

But before we conclude this introductory section, I must give you warning: Just because you know about the number of forces that affect relationships, such knowledge doesn’t make you immune to them. These forces are unbiased and don’t discriminate. They don’t care if you’re smart or dumb; cute or ugly; rich or poor; tall or short; gay or straight; etc. They act upon everyone equally. Keep in mind that even though you become aware of these social psychological forces after you finish reading this website, they still affect you too.

When I taught college courses on relationships, toward the end of the semester a student would invariably come up to me and ask me in an accusatory manner, “How come you didn’t tell me these forces work on me too?” Just because you know about a virus that causes the flu, such knowledge doesn’t make you immune to the disease itself. I’m explicitly telling you: the things we discuss in this website affect you despite your knowledge of them. So be careful.

ALL relationships go through THREE stages or phases. Each stage has its own unique logic and requires a unique skill set to master that stage. Three stages: three separate skill sets required to navigate through each of them.

[1] Establishing a relationship: getting in …

[2] Maintaining a relationship: staying in …

[3] Ending a relationship: getting out …